Friends, readers, let me pour my heart out here. And I will preface this by saying it’s very first-world problems, I get it, I do. I won’t think less of anyone who feels that way after reading this, and I won’t count the number of times I’ve felt this was stupid for so many similar reasons. But right now, I periodically just moan about this on social media, and that’s not a good outlet for a variety of reasons, least not all because I’d rather get it out of my system and then it’s done. Here, no one has to listen, see or read this if they don’t want to. But at least everything will have been said.

Anyway, it’s no secret that I have been frustrated with the Western manga market recently (recently being the last 8-12 months), and to a much smaller extent, the anime side too (but that’s different). It feels like in the last six months everything has gotten more difficult to obtain here in the UK, and that compounded with other issues (quality, price increases – which I know is just a fact of life, everything is more expensive -, etc) led me to basically not buy anything in English for several months. Last month I bought a volume of Your Forma’s light novel in English, but before that, nothing since March (!). That might not seem like long for most people, but I’m someone who would buy new manga weekly, more or less.

This last week, I’ve wanted to finish Call of the Night, which had its final volume come out in the US in early June. For whatever reason, the UK release date isn’t until the end of July, and the stores that get stock in earlier are sold out (fair enough, S2 of the anime is airing, and it was the final volume) or are trying to charge above the market rate. I could finish it in the VIZ app, but I’ve read 18 volumes in print, so at this point I would prefer to finish it that way. I also wanted to read the new mini-series that just started, so having this wall between me and finishing the end of the series is frustrating. Especially when it has been out for a while already across the pond. Although I will say, for Viz that gap is nothing unusual. What’s worse is the series that came out in the US in December / January and is still relatively unavailable here, anywhere. And, indeed, I always have a backlog of things to read, but I also want to be able to budget efficiently and not have to worry so much about how and when I’ll get anything.

With a growing list of things I want to read and series to continue on with, I eventually came to the difficult decision of just swapping to Japanese copies. A choice that shouldn’t be easier (or frankly cheaper when you consider shipping), but is substantially both. I did a lot of comparisons and mock-ups. And yes, I acknowledge there is an inherent privilege in even having the skills to be able to make the choice and also that it seems like a nuclear option lol.

And I am left with so many complex emotions about this, even though I ultimately believe in the decision I came to. If you’re even just a little bit familiar with me, you’ll know how much I love manga and literature as a whole, so holding so much frustration toward the thing I care about to this extent is sad. It used to be so easy to nip into the comic store on the way back from work and stock up on that week’s releases or order them online if needs must, but more and more I was making that walk home empty-handed, which was, frankly, depressing just because it was such a dramatic difference. But committing to buying this stuff in an entirely different language means I block myself off from having that experience of buying books here in person (for manga, anyway, unless I double dip on something). That’s so sad in its own way, isn’t it?

It also entirely ruins all my spine consistency for longer running titles. Which I’m not as disgruntled about as some people would be, but it’s definitely going to look strange for some titles that are almost 30 volumes in (Bungo Stray Dogs!). And it makes me sad to lose touch with the English market as a whole, outside of what I review, anyway. This is my passion, my job, and I don’t want to feel like I’m losing my grasp of the years I’ve spent following, navigating and learning about our market. Now I know that is an extreme reaction, because none of these things mean I lose the knowledge I have or the things I follow, but I don’t think it’s wrong to view it as a distancing, either.

However, more than that, I think this intertwines with something I’ve been increasingly thinking about recently. Learning Japanese has opened up so many possibilities for me in terms of hobby stuff. I can engage with what I love in an entirely different way than ever before, and that’s undoubtedly a good thing. It makes me happy, and I have no regrets about having chosen this path. At this point, it’s just a part of everyday life.

But the more I walk this road, the more isolating it becomes in some ways. Now I’m enjoying things ahead of the content my peers are. There’s an inherent disconnect in what we can discuss. And that’s not unique to this situation because it’s no different to someone being earlier on in a series in English than me, which does happen frequently. But I find it difficult. I want to excitedly talk about something they have no context for and, more importantly, often (with some exceptions for my bilingual friends, of course) can’t gain that understanding since it’s not available in their language. So they’ll listen to me for a while because they’re interested and care about me, but that’s still a separation that’s not easy to resolve. This one, I don’t know how to resolve. I guess I just need to find spaces for discussions like that, but that’s going to be a longer process.

To be clear, that isn’t a problem exclusive to manga. I have this problem in general since my media consumption and interests are very Japan-centric. It’s just that reading more in Japanese brings it to mind frequently because I am the type of person who wants to babble away excitedly about the things I love. That’s something I have to grapple with and essentially find the path through that leads to acceptance. I don’t think there’s a correct answer for or solution to this one either way.

Seeing as I’m now over 1,000 words, I’m going to wrap this up. If you made it this far, thank you for taking the time out of your day to read what boils down to a vent session.  With these feelings cast into the open, I feel I can chart a course forward, different to the one I was on but not inherently toward a different goal.

As a complete aside to the rant, this afternoon on the way back from work, I learnt the term 推し活 (Oshikatsu), which I’ll link the dictionary entry for as well as this relevant article on it. Anyway, I came across it due to someone I follow calling it a キラキラ or ‘sparkly’ word, which they felt didn’t fit what it meant to be a fan of someone. Because to them, Oshikatsu focuses only on the good and not the hardships that you may see your favourite go through, as well as turning them into objects rather than people with real feelings (should they not be a fictional character, anyway). After all, isn’t it just part of everyday life to support the characters, idols, bands, and so on that we love? It’s not just some shallow activity that people engage in when it takes their fancy. There’s a lot of nuance, and a lot of people have different opinions on the term and its usage. I’ll probably learn a lot more about it now that I’m aware of it. It’s not like I’m a stranger to idol / oshi culture as it is, and I do understand a lot of the associated feelings. (-somehow off topic again- In fact, on my second screen right now is a video of Mamoru Miyano and Yuma Uchida’s collab from King Super Live 2024, which makes me smile ’cause they’re just having so much fun together. And that’s the kind of happiness that’s contagious~)

Since I’ve been writing this blog post on and off for the last few days, this discovery felt aptly timed. Reading is indeed just a hobby, but it’s a big part of my everyday life, and so it’s only natural, as a part of that, there would be both good and bad sides to it. I just thought it was interesting!